Virgin Post

In the beginning Mel created a life and a mystery. Now the life appeared formless and empty. Darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the spirit of Mel was hovering over the waters.

And Mel said, "let there be light."

Perhaps I have gone a little far in making any comparisons between my 'creation' of my life and my blog and to "God" (to be referred to as 'Dog' from here on) and his creation of Heaven and Earth. But don't worry, folks, I have no illusions of the grandeur variety and I wish I had a reasonable explanation as to why I chose to draw any parallels at all... The words just seemed to fit as I started writing. As a barely adequate explanation, I offer you this: I am Mel (perhaps if you knew me that would be enough said). Until more recent times I have led a secretive life and have often been described as mysterious. No more. Let this blog be the light that pierces in revelation any secrets burdening my conscience and consciousness; let me paint a picture of my life, warts and all, and keep it out of that attic. I just hope there's not too much of a Dorian Gray effect. (Oh, now there's a comparison that really is fitting and I could rave a good while about.)

I have not written, in the way I intend to write, for a good three -going on four - years. In that time I'd like to think I have learned to handle it again. That I will not absorb into the black-hole of my mind and sit huddled there in its corners hoping someone will save me from myself or, better yet, that they'll all piss off so I can indignantly attempt to crawl out. I do not intend to ever let it go so far again... This is a sacrifice of sorts. It makes me a shallower person because I cannot allow myself to reach the depths I have done so previously... but as intriguing and important I found those depths to be, that part of my mind is a Pandora's box and the angel of hope died in battle such a long time ago now. It is not a battle I think I could win alone again.

So what am I going to write about then? I'm going to write about whatever comes to my mind. That really could be anything. eg. Just then it was toe-nails and eye-lashes... and how they both resemble that cliche moon shape. I'm going to write about the past, present and future as they are perceived by me. I am going to bore anyone who reads this, to tears. But I'm going to be honest. The aim of this blog is going to be for me to be brave (at least in my own eyes) and honest, unguarded and vulnerable; possibly hated. I'm sure at some point I will upset someone. I may lose friends. I know that at some point I will momentarily regret having written something. But I know more than any of this that I am tired of deception, manipulation and down-right lies. Here's my daily dose of corny:

"I would rather be hated for who I am than to be loved for who I am not."

EEK - well, here goes, The Beginning.